During dinner tonight ... while standing in the kitchen getting food to eat .. My daugther begins to talk to me about her dad ( for those of you who do not know ... he lost his life to meth) she begins to tell me her thoughts ... She shares that she was thinking about him and she thought "It must be nice up there ... in heaven" she reflects and says she still remembers how he smelled to her ... and how sometimes she can smell something that reminders her of him ...
She has his hat hanging on her wall in her bedroom and she told me it still smells like him ... sometimes she goes into her room and just smells it to get his scent ...
The tears that were welled up have begun to flow ... She goes onto say how much she misses him and how it is just so messed up that he died ... that he isn't there ...
She has tried to mask her feelings ... to go on like he was still out there somewhere ... like he was still around .... but deep down she knows he is not ..
He isn't here anymore mom ... I wish things turned out different ... I hug her and say " I know baby ... I do to"
She wonders if he died thinking she was mad at him ... (because he was supposed to drive her to Colorado, but got high and when a friend of ours confronted him ... he got mad, denied it ... and then said, He was outta there ... He left and didn't take her to Colorado ... She was upset with him because she knew he was high ... he knew she was upset ... and she feels guilty that she didn't get to reconcile with him before his death ...
Her pouring tears are now little streams running down her cheeks ...
Do you know how bad it hurts when your child comes to you and you can see hurt in her face ... her eyes filled with heartbreak ... her voice speaks pain ...
Grief at the hands of meth ...
A life lost because the words spoken by loved ones couldn't be heard over the voice of his addiction ...
He died as label a transient meth addict "Junkie" with no next of kin ... (they didn't know about the family he had living else where because they had already been left in the dust of meth ...
My heart wants to say this to you ADDICT ... You, the ones that have people that love you ... You know, those pain in the a$$ ones that are always bytchin atcha about your addiction ... The one's that you want to get off your back and leave ya the **** alone ... Yeah thats us ...
Take the time and read my daughters heart one more time ... If you don't listen up this could be your child next ...
You say you love your kids? You don't wanna hurt em' anymore? If you don't listen up someone could be writing this about you ... "The Ultimate Hurt" "A Life-time Hurt" "A .. Ain't no more chances to make it all better HURT"
I literally felt like I was going to choke on my own heart as she poured out hers ...
I find myself angry at him all over again ... because even in death his addiction continues on hurting people ...
This man is dead but the pain that his addiction caused is very much alive in the lives of those who loved him.
LISTEN UP ADDICT ... Do you HEAR ME?
WAKE THE **** UP ....
Your following the Devils Whore right to your grave ...
Psssst, I hear that ain't no meth in the after world ... You're gonna have to stop sooner or later ...
DID YA HEAR ME ADDICT ... THERE AIN'T NO METH IN THE AFTERLIFE
I plead with you now ... Please Stop Before You Do This To Your Child
Addiction takes another life / Toni House I am so sorry for the hell you and your children have been through. It just breaks my heart that this addiction is so powerful. I too lost someone I love, my son, at the age of 22 due to drug addiction. He had a brain hemorrage and was brain dead after a night of meth. He had only been addicted for about 6 months. My son was so healthy, and I figure if it could happen to him...it can happen to anyone. Your web site tribute is beautiful, and if it can help just one addicted prone person, well then it mean something. I took a picture of my son on life support and I show it hoping to help people, but addiction is so powerful and they think it won't happen to them.
Much love to you and your children, Thank you sharing your life.
I read your reply to my post on the Addiction Recovery Guide and followed your link here. I have been addicted to meth for a while now and have been looking into help. Even while using I thought about my two year old son. Although I understood that meth could kill me I never fully felt that that It would or that my son would be affected. Meth clouded everything. I was stupid. Reading your's and your childrens pain makes everything come into perspective. I am hurting my son and if I continue he will loose me forever. I am forever greatful that you cared enough to reply to me. Your message has opened up my eyes and my heart to the reality of what I am doing. I can't let addiction define my life. Now there is only one thing left to do. Like you said..." Do whatever it takes to get clean"
A senseless death / Sher (Widow)
Scotty died a year ago the 16th of this month (today would have been his 48th birthday .... He isn't here to celebrate it because of addiction .. His addiction, to meth ... He lost his life to a drug. What a senseless death. Our worst fears for him came to pass ... and now he is gone ... No more second chances ... His addiction didn't permit him to hear the warning signs or to hear his family watched his struggle and realized the addiction was far beyond our help ... We could not fix him ... We could not make him get clean ... We could hope, wish and want all till we were blue in the face, ... We couldn't love him out of it ... Love wasn't enough ... He had been taken prison to his addiction ... and meth has no mercy ... the drug demands total complete loyality from a person ... as it strips them of the person we knew once existed ... and there is nothing we can do to stop it ... Talking to the meth addict is like talking to a baggie of meth ... You're loved one still exist somewhere buried deep inside .. trapped within themselves ... and all we can do is pray that they come to a place where they will see that the only way out is to fight for their lives ... It is up to the addict (the battle is for them to fight) ... we pray they make it out alive ...
Had Scotty not been shooting meth ... he would probably still be alive ...
my mom died of drugs too / Beth U.
I am 28 and one year ago, my mom died from shooting up dilaudid. it wasn't meth, but drugs are drugs. Having a bad day today, to many bad dreams, so I got on the computer and found your webpage. I'm amazed at how much of a kid i feel like sometimes even though I'm a mom now of 2 beautiful babies. not sure what its like losing a dad, although both my parents were addicted, it has so far only taken my mom. there's a special bond i think between moms and daughters.... my dad is doing better, thank God. Just wanted to say, I'm sorry for your loss, and i know how you feel. its hard to find other ppl who have lost a parent to drugs, so if you need to vent, just email. Beth in Tennessee Close
A journal entry - Sunday October 16, 2005 - 12:14 AM / Cheyenne Simmons (Daughter)
As I wrote the date at the top of the page I realized that today is the anniversary of my father's death. Wow, one whole year. The very thought crushes me and brings tears to my eyes. It's so hard to believe that he's actually gone. Part of me wants to believe that somewhere out there he's alive ... that he's still around. I hurt so bad ... on the inside.
Dad, I'm hurting. I miss you. I want you to be here ... To be here with me ...
A piece of my heart died with him. My soul is so lost, I'm lost. God, give me the strength to make it through the day in one piece. Please God ... make me strong.
As hard as it is to tell your story... THANK YOU! / Lori Miller Read >>
As hard as it is to tell your story... THANK YOU! / Lori Miller
I read your story with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. Your family has endured so much pain and suffering from the most evil drug on earth. I will keep your family in my prayers as you are all the true survivors!
I found your web site from Jenny whom lit a candle for my family. My daughter unfortunetly is going down this familier path as you know so well.
Thank you for your strenght and power in your story.
Rest in Peace..and God bless- To family members / Jeremy Franke (Friend of Cheyenne )
Hello Mr. Simmons. I really dont know you, but I know of you by your wonderful Daughter Cheyenne. I don't know the pain and suffering you went through first hand, but I've seen what happens by my very eyes. What happens to the user...his/her freinds and family. Its really painful. The day Cheyenne learned of your death, was the day I learned about it. It pained me greatly, because I knew how much you meant to her. I wish I could've done more for her. Seeing her cry everyday saddened me greatly.
My sympathies go out to your family, and children, and Cheyenne. And I promise you, Ill always be a friend to Cheyenne, and try my best to be there for her, just like she was always there for me.
I wish I could have met you person to person, but we didn't. But I look forward to seeing you once my time is up. Rest in peace....and god bless.
To Sherry, Micheal, and Chyna:
Hello everyone. You, might know of me, you might not. (Cheyenne does however.) I just want to say, Im very sorry for your loss, and hope that things will turn out better for all of you. I lost alot of friends to drugs, and probably a family member pretty soon. I know what you all are going through. Stay strong.
Cheyenne, Im really sorry. I wish I could've done more for you. But I could only do so much since you were so far away from me at the time. You know Im here, and I always will be here for you. Love always- Jeremy
TO THE STRONG BRAVE CHEYENNE AND CHYNA SIMMONS / Jenny&Bruce McNair (Friend) Dear Sherry , Cheyenne and Chyna I'm sitting here just staring at the screen.. What does a person say to those beautiful girls and yourself. Your dad knew how much you loved him, make no mistake about that sweethearts.. He was in a terrible place, and would never want you girls to visit him there.BECAUSE HE LOVED YOU SO VERY MUCH... I just know he cherrished you, but he was very very sick, and just not strong enough to deal with it. He is healed now! And make no mistake about this either, He is with you ALWAYS. He watches over you and would want you to learn from his mistakes. When you achieve all you will in your lives, he will be there. you may not be able to see him, but he will be with you always...You have a wonderful mom, she, and you girls are helping others, like you would not believe. All the people who visit this site would not be helped if it was not for both your mom and dad... you are a wonderful family, and i truly am crying as i write this tribute to you girls, your mom and your dad. Your right honey, life sucks, BUT not all the time!ok? Grab your life with both hands and embrace it. You are a credit to your family... I'm so glad i got the chance to say ,you are loved by many, many ,people, who you have never met!!!. How awsome is that! Bless you all xoxoxo this is sent to you with much love and respect.... xoxoxoxoxoxo Jenny and Bruce WHEN THE FAMILY CHAIN IS BROKEN NOTHING SEEMS THE SAME BUT AS GOD TAKES US ONE BY ONE THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN
THE WORLD WANTS US TO BE A STATISTIC, BUT GOD SEE'S US EACH AS AN INDIVIDUAL, WITH GREAT PURPOSE AND HOPE. IF YOU ARE ON METH, IF YOU WERE ON METH, MOLESTED, ADULTERER OR WHATEVER THERE IS FREEDOM AND A GREAT PURPOSE AND A CALL ON YOUR LIFE. YOU DONT HAVE TO RUN FOREVER. THE WORLD CAN PUT ALL THE LABELS ON YOU IT WANTS, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT IF YOU WANT REAL FREEDOM, HEALING, REAL LOVE START IN JOHN 3:16, 17,18,AND 19. BUT I CHALLENGE YOU TO NOT STOP. I CHALLENGE YOU TO START PUTTING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT WILL POUR GOOD INTO YOU. PICK ONE CHAPTER OF THE BIBLE AND PRAY, I PROMISE IF YOU ASK GOD OVER AND OVER FOR REVELATION, YOU WILL GET IT. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A VICTIM, SO SHOULD MY HUSBAND, ACCORDING TO STATISICS, MY CHILDREN WOULD HAVE BEEN, BUT WE ARE NOT. THERE HAS BEEN HEALING, AND NO IF ANDS OR BUTS, CHRIST PAID THE PRICE FOR I WOULDNT HAVE TO WALK AROUND MISERABLE FOREVER. GOD IS GREAT!
A Selfish Man / Jeffrey G. (none)
Im sorry about the loss of your husband and father, but I just cant seem to feel any sympathy for a man who acted so selfishly and with no real concern for his three wonderful children and wife. Now you can say what you want but I know meth as well as your husband, it took me to get busted before I started rehab, but never ever did I put myself or meth before my family, at least not in the way your husband did so many times in the past. From what I have read this man never changed from the time you were pregnant with your first child right on through the third. If the gift of life couldn't get the monkey off his back then he was destined to die a horrific death as he did with the flesh eating disease. This man lived to get high and thats it, and it wasn't just the meth that made him this way because as I said in the 20 years of my addiction never was I as pathetic as what I've read about this man. Yes meth will eventually kill you but Scotty was dead long before the meth did him, in. Your only crime was the fact you loved this man, and he could never appreciate that or reciprocate it. This web site is your legacy not his, it is you Sherry that will help turn peoples lives around not Scotty. He should have seen what he had, if only he could have opened his eyes, what a fool. Good luck in life Sherry, you have already helped this man
I find myself missing you more and more as the days pass, my heart aching more and more as well. I sit alone and I cry for you, thinking of how you passed. I constantly wonder what you were thinking just before your death. Were you thinking about our last visit? How you left angry, how I was angry at you. I hope you know that I'm not angry at you anymore. Now I just hurt because you're gone. I miss you each and every minute of the day and I love you with every beat of my heart, Dad.
Meth shatters lifes / SUSAN YOUNG
I am so sorry for your lose. My heart goes out to you. My 19 yr old son ended his battle with meth 6/3/05. He put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I am sorry that I write so graphic, but like you I want people to KNOW meth kills. It has shattered my life. The pain is sometimes unbearable. There is not alot of help out there, we tried endlessly. I pray that this drug will vanish from the earth.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Susan Tommy's Mom 1/19/86-6/3/05 Close
I truly understand your pain / Heather (None)Read >>
I truly understand your pain / Heather (None)
I am touched by your memorial to William. I recently (6/18/05) lost my only sister of causes yet known. She too was addicted heavily on Meth. She was only 33. She struggled with her addiction (as well as many mental illnesses) since she was 18. I miss my sister more than she could ever understand, but I am glad that she isnt in pain, emotionally, or physically any more. Close
Did you know? / Sher (Widow)
I come here and I sit ... I hear the music and see your pictures and I reread the words that have been written by others and myself. I still have a difficult time with accepting that you are truly gone. There were no goodbyes, no warnings, just a phone call 3 months after the fact. I've tried to get Gary to call or write or something, but I've heard nothing from him. Michael finally admitted to me that he feels angry over your death. Chey and Chyna are beside themselves and I think Chey pretends its not real sometimes. Me, I watch as they hurt and try to comfort as best as I can. As for myself I am saddened that your life ended the way it did. I tried to fight against your drug use, but the fight wasn't mine to battle. I could fight it as much as I wanted but it was all in vain. The battle was yours fight, but you didn't allow yourself enough time to get strong enough to keep up the fight. In and out of rehabs, running, trying to just fight without help and do it on your own only left you defeated each time you went back. You had to fight with all of your mind, strength using every resourse known to stay clean, but it was easier to give in ... and then you'd promise yourself that you'd quit after this one last time. I watched you for years go further and further down and I wonder did you ever realize what the weight pulling you down was. Did you know in your heart of hearts it was the dope? There were so many other options for you ... You knew that. You allowed yourself ... even consented to being a victim to meth. While your REAL friends and family stood helplessly by watching you self destruct and there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it. Now all I can do is not let you slip through the cracks unnoticed ... not to let your death be in vain. You may have just seemed like a homeless man with no one who cared, but little did the people in Santa Cruz realize your were more than that. You had lots of friends and family that cared deeply for you ... Especially three children who knew their father was out there somewhere doing his thing and all the while their hearts hoped that one day daddy would overcome and that they'd be able to finally meet you and talk with you ... but now that has been taken from them as well. Your choices caused a lot of pain for those that loved you. We all saw the train headed right for you. We tried to tell you, we yelled, even screamed at you to get off the tracks, but you couldn't hear us over the voice of meth ... The horns blew and the lights glared, but you still didn't see it. I tried to shove you off the tracks but you stood your ground and now here I sit typing these words to you. Your not here you can't read em' so I guess there more for me to let out some feelings ... part of the grief I guess. All a part of the grief. Close
know the pain / Kimberly McAllester
i am so sorry for you and your families loss. it is so difficult going through something like this. i lost my boyfriend/soulmate to alcohol abuse 12 yrs ago, he died from cirrhosis of the liver. that was one of the most diffcult thing to go through, i was only 19 (he was some yrs older). it kills my soul to this day knowing the terrible way he died. (his website is www.chris-gallegos.memory-of.com) also, 6 yrs ago i lost my brother-in-law to meth and heroin addiction. he died from a heart attack caused by a drug overdose. when will it all stop. to many lives have been lost due to addiction, it breaks my heart.
you have created a beautiful website, your stories brought tears to my eyes. and i sort of felt like i identified. stay strong. god bless you and your family. Close
So very sorry/ Charlene
I am so very sorry for your loss- I hope those who visit this site learn a very valuable lesson about drugs..... My heart goes out to you. I lost my son Patrick at the age of 22 on 8.1.03. My life and the lives of those that knew Patrick have been forever changed. It is very hard as you know to live without a loved one. May you find comfort in knowing that this site may save the life of someone that has an addiction. God Bless Charlene Close
I did not get a chance to get to know my dad like my sister Cheyenne did. I think that if I got a chance to know him, and got the chance to see him..He would still be here to this very day. I know if I blame myself its just going to be harder...and I can't keep going on like this. It breaks my heart to have to think about him. I think about him EVERY second of the day. My eyes are so swollen because I'v been crying so much, and I cry even more thinking that since I am in the eighth grade...he will not be there for my graduation, or there to walk me down the aisle when I get married, or even see his grandchildern, and if I got a chance to say something to him before he past away it would have been.....Why? Why did you do this?Why did you have to leave me? I love you Dad & miss you Love Chyna <3